I had to listen to a lot of shit while getting out of the army.

The battalion re-enlistment NCO telling me the grim statistics. “Over 85% of the military police who get out are back in a year. It’s not nice out there.”

“You know,” I said, “my recruiter told me I had to serve for five years because ‘the army was training me in a highly marketable skill and they had to get their money’s worth’ from me.”

“Yeah well,” he said and smiled off to the corner. “What can I say?” And he drank from his coffee mug while shooting me a look before walking out the door.

And then the National Guard guys. You have to see them before you can get out.

“You going back to Iowa?” he asked.

“Yup,” I said. I should have said “yes, sergeant,” but I was beyond caring.

“We got a few units up there,” he said, not noticing, not caring. “Where in Iowa?”

“Iowa City. I’m going to school.”

“Oh yeah,” he looked up. “What are you going to study?”

“I don’t know,” I said.

“Well, there’s a transportation unit up there. We got a new program. You can sign up for a year, and hey, if you don’t like it, walk away. No questions asked.”

“No?”

“Nope,” he smiled. “Check it out, see if you like it. One weekend a month, that’s it, man,” he leaned over the desk, pen in hand.

I stared into his eyes. “Yeah, but…the National Guard, those fucks are getting deployed every where lately.”

His eyes flashed. “Well, yeah…but…um, you won’t get deployed. You won’t even be trained in driving trucks by then.”

“Oh,” I said. “Right.” I does no good to speak your mind in the army. But here’s what was going through my mind: Not trained to drive trucks? What does that have to do with anything you dumb fuck? I’ve just spent eight years active duty as a military police solider. I can stand on a check-point. Or be sent off to an MP unit. Do I look like a dumb-ass high school kid. Fuck off you fucking cunt!

But I smiled at him. “I’ll think about it sergeant. Can you sign this for me?” My clearing papers.

He signed. “You’ll be back,” he sneered.

I but on my beret, walked out.

And now…

DEGREES RECEIVED FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF IOWA:
BACHELOR OF ARTS DEGREE
CONFERRED 05-11-07
MAJOR/ ENGLISH

Suck it army!

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